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  In fact, it had been Brenda who’d approached her and she suspected it might have been because Brenda had heard about her ‘strange’ request to keep the monitoring system out of her bathroom.

  Brenda was Arapaho. Carly had actually felt silly when Brenda had suggested teaching her a little of the native language so that they could communicate without the computer, or any of their co-workers, knowing what they were saying because Arapaho was one of the few languages that hadn’t been added to the computer data bank.

  It had seemed like a slight to the Native Americans that it was one of the few languages excluded because most of the languages of Earth had been added—all but those considered ‘dying’ languages because there were only small segments of the population that could and did still speak them. So even though she hadn’t particularly wanted to learn the language and had felt a little silly about it besides because it almost seemed like some sort of childish rebellion—learning a ‘secret’ code--she’d felt uncomfortable with the idea of turning down the offer to learn Brenda’s native language.

  She was glad now that she’d learned the smidgen she had—only enough, really, to let Brenda know when she had something to talk about that she didn’t want ‘overheard’ by the system. She’d been uneasy about it, afraid she might make the ‘list’, the list everybody somehow knew about that supposedly didn’t exist of people under watch because the government suspected they might be plotting insurrection.

  That was absolutely absurd of course!

  No one of intelligence wanted anarchy!

  Unless they were also insane and it was highly unlikely that anyone with ‘a bolt loose’ could get through the regular psyche evaluations!

  She was no rebel! She just didn’t appreciate not having any privacy. She knew the system had been designed for the greater good and it worked. There was very little crime like there had been in the less civilized days before, very little true hunger—occasional outbreaks of diseases or illnesses—but those were quickly dealt with and the danger of a pandemic like the one that had killed millions only a quarter of a century earlier had vanished.

  There were rumors that people occasionally simply ‘vanished’ but she knew that was just the human need to add a little excitement to their lives.

  Because there wasn’t a lot of that either, she thought with a touch of resentment.

  Brenda greeted her when she reached the mechanical room that was their ‘secret’ place by rushing to grab the tray Carly had used to carry their food and beverages. “What is it you need to talk about?”

  There was a thread of alarm in Brenda’s voice that discomfited Carly considering her reason for calling the ‘meeting’. She felt herself blushing.

  “Nothing Earth shattering,” she muttered uncomfortably, hastening to reassure her friend. “I just … well, it’s private/personal and I think Trude suspects I’m a little unstable.”

  Something flickered in Brenda’s eyes. “Oh?”

  Carly felt her face heating even more. She settled beside Brenda on the floor with their tray of food between them. It wasn’t the most comfortable way to share a meal and yet Carly had discovered that she enjoyed it far more than sitting in the cafeteria surrounded by so many other people. “It’s about my sex-sim, Daniel.”

  Brenda blinked at her but to Carly’s surprise and relief, she didn’t laugh. “What about him?”

  Carly squirmed but over the past months she’d developed a bond with Brenda that had made it far easier to share intimate details about her life with Brenda even than talking to her assigned therapist. “I’ve … well, I’ve sort of gotten attached to him. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like he’s real.”

  Brenda grimaced. “Because he is?”

  Carly felt her heart jerk reflexively. “I mean really real.”

  Brenda digested that in silence while she looked over her food, flipped the top half of her sandwich off and began to select what she wanted on it and what she didn’t. Carly watched with a touch of disapproval as she discarded the onions and pickles and replaced the bread. “You mean you think he’s a specific someone?” she responded finally.

  Carly stared at her own sandwich for a moment and finally took a bite. She actually didn’t like the onions or pickles herself but the sandwich was a perfectly balanced diet. Discarding any of it was upsetting that balance and she wouldn’t be getting all of the vitamins and minerals she needed. She didn’t know how Brenda could so blithely play with her health! “Yes, I do. I don’t know why, but I just have this feeling ….”

  “What did you do?”

  Carly felt her face reddening again. “I asked Trude to research it for me and find out who the contributors were.”

  Brenda stared at her. “Oh my fucking god! You didn’t!”

  Brenda’s reaction sent a shaft of alarm through Carly and she felt the color leave her face. “I was careful,” she said somewhat resentfully. “I’m sure the computer didn’t suspect.”

  “You’re pretty convinced you raised red flags or you wouldn’t have made that comment,” Brenda said tightly. “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

  Carly sighed gustily. “It was impulse.”

  “It was a bad one! I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if you didn’t make the list!”

  There is was—the mythological list again! “Oh come on!” Carly said testily. “Just for asking the computer to tell me who the contributors were?”

  Brenda stared at her a long moment and finally shook her head. “Carly … I know you don’t really believe a lot of the things I told you, but it just isn’t safe to be … ‘different’, to let the government know that you haven’t accepted everything you’ve been told without question. It’s the questions that get people removed.”

  An icy finger of dread traced a path down Carly’s spine. “You don’t believe those stories?” she said doubtfully. “It’s just … stories to make children behave.”

  Anger flickered across Brenda’s features but she tamped it. She shook her head. “Do you really think you can afford to dismiss it as pure nonsense? I know for a fact that it’s true.”

  Carly’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

  “I’m dead serious. My cousin disappeared.” She glanced around uneasily. “And I know of at least three other tribe members that did.” Her face crumpled. “And my brother was killed in a freak accident.”

  Carly felt her jaw drop. Her uneasiness had intensified considerably but at that comment, sympathy crept in. “I’m so sorry! How could that happen? What happened?”

  She immediately regretted that her shock had led her to ask such a thing when she could see Brenda was upset.

  Brenda shrugged. “Nobody knows. He was doing some kind of research—on the side. He’d been assigned to work on dimension technology, but he had a theory he was working on that wasn’t ‘sanctioned’. He never told me what it was because the transmissions to earth are always monitored, you know, but he hinted at something and I think it was enough of a hint to get him killed.”

  Shock rolled through Carly again, but this time doubts crept in. “You’re saying … you’re suggesting ….” She couldn’t even say the word.

  “Murder.”

  Carly dropped the remains of her sandwich on her plate, feeling nausea wash through her. “Brenda ….”

  “You don’t believe me,” Brenda said tightly.

  “It’s not that …. It’s just ….”

  “Unbelievable.” Brenda seemed to wrestle with herself. “You’re right. It’s probably just grief.”

  Dismay settled in Carly. She could almost see a wall developing between them. “Don’t be that way! Please! I’m just having a hard time with this, Bren.”

  Brenda stared at her for a moment and seemed to relax fractionally. “I’m just trying to tell you to be careful. Why don’t you let me get a friend of mine to get that information for you? It’ll be safer.”

  “I already asked Trude,” Carly reminded her.

  “So pretend yo
u forgot all about it and don’t prompt for the report. It’ll look better. My friend can get it without raising red flags.”

  Relieved that Brenda seemed willing to overlook her doubts, Carly smiled. “You don’t mind? I mean, I guess it’s stupid to take such a chance over something like this.”

  “Not as stupid as you asking your home spy system,” Brenda said dryly.

  Anger flickered, but Carly was obliged to admit that Brenda was right. “Thanks!”

  Brenda sent her a look.

  “I mean it. Thank you! I know it’s going to be a dead end, but I just wanted to know if any of the contributors were here on the base or in the colony.”

  * * * *

  Devlin was confused and uneasy, and frustrated because he couldn’t seem to focus long enough to figure out what had happened or where he was. Something had happened. That was the only thing that he was absolutely certain of because his mind was curiously, scarily empty of memories.

  There had to have been some kind of accident, he decided. He didn’t remember being involved in an accident, but nothing else that came to mind would explain why his memories were gone. His mind was like a blank console screen—well, pretty much blank. He remembered his name.

  Actually, he hadn’t remembered that much at first. It hadn’t scared the shit out of him because he’d been too panicked about the loss of every other memory at first to consider whether he even knew his own name.

  He’d been assigned a name by the computer system and that had shocked him, but that wasn’t a bad thing because by the time he’d gotten over his shock he’d also gotten over the panic and been able to focus at least enough to start picking at his mind for the things that were missing. The name he’d been given wasn’t the right one. It wasn’t his name. He knew that much and it was a relief to realize that he knew something.

  He’d begun to get this creepy feeling that he was dead and just didn’t know it, but he decided that couldn’t be the case. For one thing, if he was dead, he wouldn’t be thinking would he? He wouldn’t be afraid and confused. He wouldn’t be thinking at all or feeling at all.

  For another, he wasn’t alone. There were other people around him. Not that he could actually see them, but he could sense their presence. And he could hear them.

  It bothered him that it was like a dream. He couldn’t really see anything. It was like he was surrounded by a dense fog and what he heard was more like … telepathy. He had the feeling that he was ‘hearing’ their thoughts not hearing actual speech.

  It felt ‘wrong’. He didn’t think he was telepathic or that he had been before, but of course he didn’t know because he still couldn’t remember.

  * * * *

  It was almost a week before Brenda produced the information she’d promised. Carly was in a fever of impatience, but she’d had time to consider what Brenda had told her and she was careful not to do or say anything else that might send up red flags.

  Not that she actually believed the comments about people going missing! She didn’t think Brenda had lied either, but she knew there had to be another explanation.

  Trude never produced the report that she’d asked for. That unnerved her more because the computer certainly hadn’t ‘forgotten’ that she’d asked and should have either delivered the report or given her an explanation as to why it hadn’t been possible to compile one.

  She could tell that Brenda was laboring under some emotion when her friend gave her the ‘meet me’ code, but she wasn’t certain what had prompted it until they did actually meet. Brenda didn’t leave her in the dark long.

  “My brother was one of the contributors.”

  Carly gaped at her, trying to assimilate that startling information. She felt the color fluctuate several times in her face as various realizations flashed through her mind.

  Her lover, or at least a part of the sim, was her friend’s brother?

  Brenda had said he was dead or missing. Carly abruptly couldn’t remember which now that it was suddenly as important to her as it was to Brenda.

  What if he was the one that she’d fallen for, she thought, feeling her heart sink?

  She tried to jog her memory to recall exactly what Brenda had said, moistening suddenly dry lips. “The one you said …?”

  Pain clouded Brenda’s eyes. “I only had one brother.”

  Carly felt herself flush at the tone almost of accusation. “I’m sorry.”

  Brenda looked away, but she handed Carly something that looked and felt like a piece of cloth. Carly stared at the folded thing in her head blankly. After glancing at Brenda, she unfolded it. There were strange lines scrawled across the inside, she discovered. “What is this?”

  “The list. My friend went ahead and tracked the information on the contributors … as much as he could find anyway.”

  Carly could see that. Frowning, she focused on the symbols and finally realized it was writing—handwriting, something she rarely saw. She couldn’t make out half what it said and a sense of frustration filled her, battling with confusion. “What is this stuff?”

  “Paper,” Brenda said dryly. “Or at least what passes for it now. We make it. There are a lot of things it just isn’t safe to key into a computer.”

  Those comments only deepened Carly’s confusion and dismay. “You’re saying …?”

  “Don’t get caught with it,” Brenda cautioned. “If you think there’s any danger of that, eat it.”

  Revulsion swept through Carly. “Eat it?” she echoed in disbelief, deciding that, maybe, Brenda was pulling some kind of sick joke.

  For a moment, Brenda almost seemed to confirm that. She smiled wryly. “Tastes like shit, but your stomach can handle it. It won’t hurt you—if you swallow it. That information might hurt you if the wrong person discovers you have it.”

  “But … but … but … It isn’t like this is a threat to national security! It’s just a list of people that contributed to … uh … companion sims!” Carly exclaimed in dismay.

  “What it represents is big trouble!” Brenda retorted. “My friend hacked the system to get it. And they’ll know that immediately and that anybody capable of doing that could get information a lot more dangerous. It pegs you as a rebel, somebody that questions the system, and somebody with rebel connections. It could get me disappeared, too. So read it. Memorize the information and then flush it. Don’t, for god sake, leave it lying around to be found!”

  Chapter Three

  Carly felt like a stalker.

  She supposed that was because what she’d been doing would be considered stalking if anyone ever found out.

  She hadn’t found the man she’d become obsessed with, though. She wasn’t certain if that was because she hadn’t really interacted enough with either of the contributors she’d managed to track down and couldn’t trust her instincts or if she was right and neither of the two men she’d found had actually contributed anything significant to sim Daniel.

  She hadn’t felt a spark, though.

  She hadn’t felt the least gram of attraction.

  If any of them were the one, shouldn’t she?

  She felt like she would know immediately when and if she found the major contributor—if there was one.

  Unfortunately, two of the men on the list were on Earth, not in the colony, and it seemed unlikely she would get the chance to track them down and arrange to ‘bump’ into them as she had the first two.

  And the other man had been killed in a freak accident in the lab where he worked.

  She couldn’t believe it was him, though. She didn’t want to. Fate couldn’t be that sick, to snatch the one man she could love away before she’d even met him.

  The man she felt like she had fallen in love with.

  Because she’d looked it up. She’d felt safe enough to at least do that much research.

  Devlin Bear had died almost a month before she’d ‘met’ sim Daniel.

  Then again, he was gone. How would she ever know whether he was the one or not?
/>   She discovered she wanted to know. She felt like she had to know, that she just couldn’t stand wondering.

  It made her uncomfortable on several levels to track down what she could find about Devlin Bear, partly because of what Brenda had said about ‘the watchers’ and partly because of Brenda herself. Brenda was her friend and she was still grieving over the loss her brother. Carly doubted Brenda would be happy to know she’d shifted the focus of her search to Devlin.

  She worried for a while about whether to tell Brenda or not and finally decided there was no real reason to tell Brenda and upset her. It wasn’t as if she could do anything about it even if she found out that she was right and Devlin was the man she’d been hoping to find her whole life.